What I Want To Be When I Grow Up
So what if I turn 45 next month, I still have ambitions.
No — I do not want to become a CEO or a world class leader or climb the Himalayas or participate in the Ironman (woman/person) Challenge.
Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t aspire for any of these when I was 25, so it is unlikely that I will start NOW.
I also don’t think I can magically start singing like Shreya Ghoshal or become a standup (stage fear is real, guys) or become a painter.
I do want to become a writer and I think the only thing stopping me from becoming a famous one is a nice swivel chair, a comfortable reading sofa, a typewriter, a couple of good lamps and a cozy room with a big window overlooking the ocean somewhere on the Cherai beach in Cochin!
Anyway, the writer-in-Kerala bit apart, I had a ‘aha’ moment a few months ago about what I should be when I am older. I want to be an amalgamated version of four women — not any women. Four specific women.
They are:-
1. The Traveller.
Her favourite words are “Aami Jaabo” and she is easily the life of all and any dining table/drawing room conversations.
Lalitha Narayanan (also Amma), 85 years old, celebrated her 80th birthday in Kashmir. She travelled with her then 71 year old friend Choodi Mami, her regular travel mate. In 2017, she went to Andaman and did some underwater diving/snorkelling. Amma rocks!
She gets their sons (her son, a Maths Prof, is our friend Rajendran and Choodi Mami’s son is Kalyan, Raj’s friend) and nieces to fix the basic taxi, get tickets, book hotels etc., but she travels only with Choodi Mami. A few months ago she decided she wanted to visit her school. So with her two sisters and Choodi Mami she travelled to Devakottai in Tamil Nadu.
Amma, a chemistry teacher at Carmel High School, Calcutta for 35 years, isn’t the type who can be slowed down by arthritis. She is now in Switzerland en route to her daughter’s place in America!
Aamio Jaabo! I want to be this traveller.
2. The Free Soul.
She is Jasmeeta’s mum. Aunty—Sabita Dubey—is 67 and a free soul. She is fond of Udit (there is photographic evidence for that); me, I think, she considers to be her daughter’s bumbling friend. Aunty is very popular among the young crowd in her housing society in Bhubaneswar. She is bound to be. Her advice on marriage and being a parent are iconic.
Consider this: “Marriage is different from a relationship. Which is why I think it’s a good idea when young people choose to live in. You don’t know a person fully until you know how they are 24*7”. Or, “Having a baby is not easy. Being a mother is not easy. It’s a lot of work and if you are already in a good place in life, think if you want to change everything in it to become a mother. If the answer is yes, then by all means have the baby. If you are unsure, maybe consider living your life some other way”.
Aunty joined the gym because she wanted to build upper body strength. She loves gymming and yoga! Though her sister lives in Bhubaneswar, she insists on living on her own because she wants her own space. When she got married she became the krantikari bahu who made sure that daughters-in-law had proper full meals and not just the leftovers they were expected to eat.
She is making young friends left, right and centre these days. She shakes a hand and she compliments “Your hand is as soft as warm bread”. Clearly, her latest thing is complimenting. “When I see something good in someone…I stop them and I tell them they are looking good. I used to think this in my head before but no words would come out when I was younger. Maybe I was shy. Maybe I did not know how they would react. But now I think, I am saying a nice thing, why should I keep it to myself.” Yes, why?
I am unlikely to be popular, but I want to be this free soul.
3. The Dancer.
She is 72 but doesn’t look a day older than 60. Kumkum Bose is Boseman’s mum but she looks more like my mum! She has been at the helm of affairs of a special school for the deaf and mute for the last 24 years. Aunty loves to travel, enjoys a drink or two, adores her kids, nephews, nieces, grandkids. But most importantly she loves to dance. On a few occasions that Bose has shared videos of aunty dancing at home parties with her older sister, it is an absolute delight to watch.
With her saree pallu tucked in, hands in the air, a little head bobbing—the two sisters are in sync with each other… Wow! It is liberating to watch her; to see someone give a damn to what anyone may think.
I want to be this dancer.
4. The Fiercely Independent.
As her daughter, I will obviously be like my mum. But I really hope that I get her krantikari side (like when she did not let ticketless, gun carrying goons sit on our berths while travelling alone with kids through UP in the 90’s) rather than her sanskari side (like when she hugged me during my vidaai and said “if you can’t cry, at least stop smiling”)!
Just last year, she got her passport renewed; she had to go to the police station for verification instead of the other way round. She called a driver, went, and during the time she was made to wait, she chatted up with the constables about the dismal state of the station. When the officer asked her for id proofs of neighbours, she gave a stern “you-will-have-to-come-to-the-society-for-that” reply. And then when they mentioned Rs 1000 as “processing fee”, she said “I will not give anything more than Rs 500” and the deal was done.
It will be two years in June since dad passed away and so I asked her if she would like me to be there. “Listen, I am not the emotional types. Don’t worry. Don’t come.” Well, Udit has a theory—she has had enough of me in the three months that she stayed with us. The Delhi winters didn’t help matters either!
In the residential society, she has sort of stepped into dad’s shoes — as the ‘election commissioner’ ensuring free and fair elections and the Durga Puja Committee adviser. She continues to be the counsellor (for many neighbours) and quizmaster (in social gatherings). She celebrates festivals, visits friends and family, travels (flights and trains) on her own, cherishes her space and continues to live exactly as she wants to.
My mum, Bharti Sinha, will turn 70 next January.
I want to be this fiercely independent woman.
IF I grow older, I would like to imbibe a part of each of these women's admirable qualities! :)
Savvy , i love this tremendously. I love it so much that I want to take a leaf from your book and write along these lines
All of them sound fantastic and so do you
There is soooooo soooooooooo much that older women have given me in terms of a vision for what life can be or I can be and i haven't written about it ever .. ..
Bahut badhiya !